FAMILY DIVISION
PRINCIPAL REGISTRY
London |
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B e f o r e :
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In Re J.M. (a child) |
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Barnett Lenton & Company,
61 Carey Street, London, WC2A 2JG
Telephone: 0171 405 2345
Facsimile: 0171 405 0306)
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Crown Copyright ©
"J entered the room still holding my hand. We advanced in. The father stood and called out to her "Hello, J, it's daddy". J looked at him and broke into tears. He continued, "It's me, it's daddy". I told him to sit and tried to divert J on to the toys available. There was a brief moment when she might have been distracted. However, she looked again at the father and the tears intensified into sobbing "I want mummy". I briefly tried more distraction but the child could not be consoled. I told the father that I was taking J back to her mother. He did not object. I took the main gift, leaving one behind. J came into my arms and I carried her while she continued to cry forcefully. The father continued to say, "J, it's daddy". He was visibly moved by the scene. The duration of contact was about 2 minutes.
I returned with J to the other waiting room. The mother had gone outside for a cigarette. The grandmother took J in her arms but the childdid not stop crying until the mother returned. She was then comforted and it ceased …
I then joined the father for about 40 minutes. The whole experience had been very distressing for him. He agreed it was right to bring J back to her mother, but it moved him deeply "that my daughter should cry when she sees me". The father's mood and behaviour were aroused and agitated during this conversation. He stood and paced the room and I had to urge him to sit many times. He alternated between anger and regret. I found it necessary to concentrate on helping him become calmer and not to add to his pain. I was not sure that he would be able to control his anger without loss of control. When agitated, the father spoke many times about the mother's boyfriend. He told me he knows she has one and has seen him. He expressed feelings of jealousy because this man occupies his place in both the mother's and J's hearts. He also made veiled threats to take J off the mother somehow …
He asked me a view on 'what's the next step?' After asking this, the father stood up and did an odd sequence of step-like movements repeating many times "next step … next step". I wondered about sending gifts and receiving pictures and newsletters about how J is doing. The father seemed pleased with the idea, but then asked about setting up some more contact sessions … The father was more peaceful when we talked about how pretty J is. It took a while for the father to settle but when he was more at ease I drew the meeting to a close."