Floors 4 & 5, Arndale House Luton Point Luton LU1 2EN |
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B e f o r e :
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FM |
Applicant |
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MK |
Respondent |
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Ms Manveet Chhina, Solicitor of Morgan Wiseman Solicitors for the Respondent
Hearing date: 15 July – 19 July 2024
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Crown Copyright ©
Introduction
The Legal Framework
Evidence
Mother
Father
The Findings
The Relationship
Verbal Abuse
November 2020
21 February 2021
December 2021/January 2022
28 December 2021
30 December 2021 - Rape
2 January 2022
Physical Abuse
76. D has undertaken play therapy between January and April 2024. D's play with puppets in session two included 'screaming at the top of his voice to each puppet in turn "FUCK YOU", role playing mummy and daddy puppets - 'dominated by hitting, biting and hair pulling of the mummy puppet and the daddy puppet saying, "shall we get it on" without reply from the mummy puppet - he began to be sexualised towards the mummy puppet'. In session three there was evidence of commanding the therapist in the play. Puppets reappeared in session 7 and D commanded the female puppet to kiss his puppet, this increased to sexualised behaviours. Session eight involved puppets and I quote the therapy report - "gave me the "mummy puppet", he took the "daddy puppet". "I want some cheerio's for breakfast." (placing my hand across my mouth so my puppet couldn't hear !!!I asked quietly "What shall I say?". He whispered back say "We haven't got any". Which I did. He responded by saying "Right, you fucking whore, I'm going to divorce you". (Again, in a whisper, so puppet couldn't hear). "What shall I say?" He replied in the same way, say "Fine, I don't want you living here anymore, you can leave." Out of context he then turned the light off in the room and said "Are you going to pay your bill…..I've got £45 in my jar you can use?"
Sexual Relationship
81. It is not disputed the father wanted more sex and, in his words, more 'adventurous and not the boring sex'. The mother did not, but made plans and discussed the father's wants, sometimes agreeing and engaging in them. The text messages between them demonstrate a persistence on the part of the father. He is never directly forceful but there are a number of conversations where despite the mother attempting to place boundaries, the father persists in his wishes. The father goes further and states at times that if the mother does not want to engage in it then he will have to seek it elsewhere. On other occasions he becomes angry when their plans change or his expectations are not met. The father is derisory about the mother's hygiene or appearance or abusively calls the mother names. In April 2018 the father states that he is not staying. However, that message quickly becomes emotionally manipulative. The father states 'unless you are going to let me screw other people it's pointless your not into sex and I need it to stay calm… I promised you I would cheat again and I haven't but I'm not getting enough so I have no choice unless I break my promise.' The messages are incomplete so it is impossible to say what the mother's response was but the relationship continues and it is more likely than not that manipulation resulted in the mother's acquiescence for fear of those consequences.
Affairs
Financial control
89. There are several messages that taken in isolation might simply be conversation between them about whether to buy something or the mother asking if there is enough money. However, taken together and noting that on occasion the mother phrases the question 'can I…' it is clear she is seeking permission. The behaviour of the father in confirming, seeking exact amounts and which card or account to use confirms that is necessary. The level of that control over finances is laid bare when the mother asks if she should use the £10 that is in her purse and the father asks where that came from on page C303.
Mother disposing of father's assets
100. One of the father's principal allegations is the mother caused the death of the reptiles he was breeding. There is no dispute the RSPCA were called and removed 16 snakes. The mother produced the record from the RSPCA which includes the 'Inspector Updates' on 21 February 2022 – "16 snakes. All alive. No water and rubs are dirty but heat mats on. R[a pet shop]coming later to collect. Have snakes water in meantime…" this is only 19 days after the father has last been at the property. The father's civil proceedings statement makes clear it was not because of a lack of food or water but because the heat mats had been turned off that the snakes had to be put down. However, he produces no email chain nor report or bill for the same from R, a pet shop, where the snakes were recovered to and who supposedly provided him this explanation. The only evidence is a single text message from DM who supposedly works at R. The message confirms the snakes were very cold on arrival, several were euthanised due to severe RI and others were rehomed after 14 days with them. This is far from the circumstances that the father states he was informed of or relies on. The father also claims that there were far more reptiles than 16. The paternal aunt gave a list of them. It is unclear how she had this knowledge since no list was provided by the father of the things she was to collect. There is also no verifiable information that these reptiles were in existence at the time, that they died or the mother disposed of them.
Father locating the mother through the caravan and A's school
7 December 2023 - The County Court
Mother perceived an attack owing to her PTSD
Asos
Mother preventing contact with the children.
Raising the mother's childhood sexual abuse and seeking to cross examine her on her past sexual history and using litigation to abuse the mother - County Court, NMO, lives with order
Conclusion